Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
