She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
