i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
