Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
