Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
