we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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