direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
