That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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