Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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