Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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