Betty ford says i'm here all night
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
