I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
