just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
