the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
