And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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