You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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