OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
