Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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