So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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