only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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