And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
