hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have already put on my inside pants.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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