I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
