Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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