oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
