well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
