I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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