I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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