I'm jealous of your bromance
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
