Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
