im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
