at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize