i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
