Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
