No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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