Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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