I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
