Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My life is pants optional.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
