He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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