The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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