Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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