So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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