the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize