we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is Oprah even human
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
