You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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