do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
