I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize