Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
