hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
