Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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