He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
