i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
