I hate your face
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
