So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
