i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
