I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
