I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
