Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
