Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
