it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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