you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
