The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
