he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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