i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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