I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
