Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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