Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
