she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
false alarm, still single
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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